Sometimes the Universe plops something unexpected in your lap. As I have been feeling my vibration rise, I notice that my spirituality is changing a little.
The ultimate message I got from my youth is that God is love. We are not responsible for judgment. Jesus preached that even the most powerful clerics in his day were getting the message wrong. You are supposed to love and accept your neighbor the way God loves you. More importantly, all humans sin. The point of his death was to forgive all sins.
When I read how conservative, right wing Christians twist this….I get ill. No Christian should be pointing a finger at the perceived faults of others. Even though I feel very loved in my original church family, I also don’t know if they could overlook my recent shift in sexual orientation.
Over a decade ago, I began reading several books and Buddhism. I even attended a Buddha 101 conference. I realized that I needed to meditate. I would do it off and on, but I wasn’t great at it. I found that after my diagnosis, I needed to continue to explore this. I found a great meditation group and have started to attend.
Quieting the mind is important, especially when you have cancer.
There are so many times where slightly less than desirable thoughts have been creeping into my mind. Now that I understand the Law of Attraction, the idea that these thoughts existed was troubling to me. I didn’t want to manifest more negativity. In my training from meditation, I have learned that thoughts are just thoughts, nothing more. It is when we start attaching emotion to them that we are giving them power. This was enough to comfort me and even delight when I see the contrasting thoughts to what I want in my life.
I love Buddhism and meditation, but I don’t believe that it is the sole focus of my spiritual path. Many followers of other religions meditate and listen to the wisdom of Buddha as they follow their own path.
One night, I was zoning out and realizing that I have a strong Earth goddess energy. I want to be connected more to the Earth and the creatures that crawl on it. I was inspired to pick up a book on Wicca. I don’t necessarily have plans of becoming a witch for now….but there is something to the energy they bring towards using the medicinal properties of herbs and essential oils in their practice. There is a reverence for all things natural that really sings to me.
As I open up to the ideas of others in many faiths, I came across a meeting called the Shared Circle of Enlightenment at a local New Age bookstore. I signed Alex and I up for it…even before I got his permission (Max had a rehearsal for a show). We had no idea what it really was, but I felt incredibly called to come.
When we entered the store, which is in an old converted house, we were lead up a tiny staircase to a small former bedroom. There was no real decoration in there, just blank walls and two older women around a square card table. The younger of the two women had tarot cards in a green bible cover case. There were three crystals set on the center of the table. We sat down, not knowing exactly what would transpire.
Pat, the organizer asked about what we wanted to talk about. I told her that Alex had a question. He glared at me a little and began to tell her that he was interested in past life regression. It had been of interest for him and he had been feeling an urge to explore it in more depth.
Pat responded that people contract themselves for a number of lives in realm in order to work on goals of their choosing. When they finish, they are reabsorbed into God’s white light and love. Her answers sound so authoritative, that I found myself drawn to her energy.
We continued to ask questions. She mentioned that Alex had a walnut shaped block in his heart chakra. It was very small and should be easy to break because he already had applied the answer to other parts of his life. This block had threads that drifted out that contain the unfinished feeling of projects that might have been done or efforts where he worked super hard and was disappointed that he didn’t get the outcome that he had worked for.
This information was dead on. Alex found this as a running theme in his life and we knew it, we just didn’t know how to break it. She suggested that it was carry over from a previous life. It was as if he chose to face it again in this life to overcome it. The good news was that it was close to being solved.
She than described Alex as being a great teacher. People sought him out because he was so good. This was again backed up by his experience in previous lives. With the teaching, he also was an advanced healer. As she said this, both her and the other woman gave a sense of energy that Alex had possibly more power than them and that they were in the presence of someone possibly greater in these arenas than themselves.
As she was reading Alex, I felt every word as true.
At some point, I had asked about spirit guides. Do they always have to be human? Pat answered no. We learned that how she was getting her information was from her spirit guide and that she could contact ours with our permission. We agreed.
She looked at me and told me that I had a male energy. He was not human but was showing her long luxurious blonde hair. It was curly and wavy. She than said, “His name is Leo.” I immediately burst into tears. For some reason, I knew it was right. The name Leo has always held special meaning for me. I had always wanted to meet my spirit guides….I had tried meditations and asking others, but never really got it. This felt right. She cupped her hand to her ear and said, “he’s been waiting to hear from you.”
“How?” I asked.
“Do you meditate?” she responded.
“Call on him there.” she replied. She also noted the energy of a female guide, but that she didn’t want to come forward at this time. “You know,” she said, “Leo is waiting with a messenger bag. It is bottomless. He has every available resource to help you get what you want. Have faith in that.”
As I am sobbing, she turns to Alex.
She hesitates, talks to this imaginary presence to Alex’s side and tells him, “Your spirit guide wants me to refer to himself as a “he” because that is the way you will feel most comfortable. He is androgynous.”
I go from bawling to having my jaw drop on the table.
“His name is Torian. He is helping you blend the male and female energy in this life, which is something you chose to work on in this life.” Alex begins to cry. “He wears a very decorative mask.”
Alex has embraced his desire to become a drag queen this year. In order to do so, he has had to release so much judgment over what outcasts drag queens are in our society and also face his internalized homophobia. The thing that drives him is the fact that Alex feels that it is his calling and feels closest to his true self when he is doing it. He has no desire to be a female, but putting on the goddess cloak makes him feel alive.
The interesting note is that Alex took great lengths to play “straight” since we walked into the door. He purposely never mentioned anything about being gay or being a drag queen. You could tell that they even felt Alex and I were a couple. So, Pat knew nothing about him. This message felt so true.
She also mentioned that he had an additional spirit guide that was a “wild one.” He was a huge tease and a trickster. He said to call him a fairy. Pat, looked confused and stated that “wild ones” were usually elves but he is going to call him self a fairy, and elfish fairy. She also said his name was Puck.
The meeting was filled with other interesting revelations, but I was left with two important take-a-ways. A) Love is not emotion. Love exists without emotion. B) That I may have tough times ahead but that I need to deal with these things head on. If I do, there is another side where I’ll get exactly what I want. In the meantime, know that I am surrounded by unconditional love. I am loved whether I have believed I have earned it or not. There is so much love for me out there that I need not worry about not being bathed in it. Just trust that I am.
Alex and I were exhilarated. We felt tired from the psychic energy, but fulfilled as well. We left without paying anything. If we had thought there was a psychic and we had paid for her services, we would have never have believed it. This was so pure and so special, it left me feeling the wonder and awe that there is so much more to our existence than we could even begin to understand.
In the end, it was HUGE validation for Alex and I that we were on the right path. She described us as being “closer to home.” The definition being that we were on the verge of really standing in our own shoes in the knowledge of who we are. I am so grateful for the piece of mind that she gave us. It was truly a special gift.