I am learning to realize that the one thing that you’re the most fearful about is probably the thing that you should face and release. You are already thinking about it, so you are creating momentum about it. Sooner or latter the universe is going to give you what you want.
As I realized that I had cancer, I had to laugh at some crazy coincidences. I was born on June 27, so my sign is Cancer. As a child, in the summer I was trapped in my home without adult supervision daily. I would get lost in St. Jude marathons and worry about those bald headed kids that where sure to die. My mother battled colon cancer for two years before passing away at the age of 56. My father got the exact same cancer. I worked for the American Cancer Society for five years.
When I was diagnosed, I did something that I had never done before. I only started to focus on the positive. I changed my thought patterns, found my self-worth, and built a bubble of love around me. I raised my vibration. As Abraham Hicks states, it is really the only thing we should focus on. Let the Universe pull together the rest. I just began to trust. Trust that I was put here on the planet to have fun, learn, and love. Nothing in this life is meant to be against you. The Universe, your spirit guides, all that lives and breaths is behind you, supporting you.
I knew after my surgery that I was going to be okay. I was loved. Everything was for a reason. Even though I still go through those darker periods on occasion, I have never been as depressed as I was before this all happened. I came close to it last week because I began to judge myself. The second you let expectations and judgment enter your reality, it is easy to get bumped off your high-flying disk.
Sometimes you feel reluctance to do something for a reason.
Your internal guidance system lets you know if you want to attempt something before you are ready for it. I used to judge myself as lazy when I got this feeling, and plowed through whatever I thought needed to be done, just to be done. I thought this was one of the key characteristics of being an adult. I also assumed that being an adult should suck.
This never really worked out well. I often resented doing what I was reluctant to do. Sometimes I thought that if I martyred myself enough, someone would see and praise my sacrifice. Nine times out of ten, people wouldn’t notice (which would make me even angrier) or I would brush off their complements and accolades.
If you can wrap your brain around the fact that you are a vibrational entity, that is connected to source directly, and the vortex of anything and everything you want is available to you if you can just match its vibration…..you can embrace your internal guidance system’s warning that you are not ready to move on yet. I have heard Abraham Hicks refer to this as waiting for the grid to fill in. You don’t have to do anything to speed up this grid; the Universe has the manifesting covered. All you need to do is soften your resistance, and ride the boat downstream. Nothing you want is ever upstream. Raise your vibration by doing what brings you happiness and joy. Trust that the Universe has your back.
For a control freak, who was raised to believe that you hard to work hard and sacrifice for everything you get in this world, it took me years to understand this. Even when I finally got it, I still sifting through negative thoughts. I knew that my Emotional Guidance system was in place to let me know that when I felt bad about something. I was firing off rockets of desire in the opposite direction. It only helped clarify what I wanted, but it still would scare me.
One of the ways to actively work through fear is to confront it. Calling the mortgage company for me was extremely tough, even if it isn’t for someone else. If I start to feel my throat close up, and I don’t want to tell someone something because I am afraid of upsetting them or embarrassing myself….I now know that I just need to do it. If I do it right away, I feel so much better. If there is a rough patch that develops, immediate attention prevents permanent scars.
I know this. I have become intimately aware of this principle, but I still find myself choking up. Sometimes my body will grind to a halt and not want to function. I may have missed the opportunity to speak up. That doesn’t mean that the opportunity for positive confrontation has passed. Focus on improving your vibration. When you feel better, just strike while the iron is hot.
I talked through everything with Alex and Max for weeks before I gained the courage to face my fear and call the mortgage company. It got my mind right. I worked on treating myself with kindness and understanding, instead of belittling my perceived flaws. I watched others do courageous things, and took courage from their demonstrations. I listened to nothing but positive and affirming programming. Finally, I realized that I had the least resistance in the morning when I got up. One day I just got up and did it before I lost the courage to it.
I am not saying that this is an easy process, but I feel like I grow by leaps and bounds when I do it and feel so much better. Inspired action feels good. It feels easy. Often, it also indicates that the best possible outcome may be achieved as well. Make decisions out of love, not fear. Don’t second guess yourself once you have decided.
I think being diagnosed with cancer was something I had dreaded my entire life. Once it happened, I was able to say been there, done that. It wasn’t so scary. Now I can focus on what I want in life instead of what I don’t.