So, it is almost here. Last week, I went in for my “simulation.” Although it sounds like an initiation ceremony for the Borg, it was a planning session for my upcoming radiation treatments. In my case, I have the pleasure of laying bare ass up on a long rectangular table. There is some sort of contraption that I lay on that has an oval for your face, like where you place your head on a massage table, and a big square hole that I lay my belly in. My face is down the whole time, so I really don’t see much of the ginormous machine baring down on me. On the first trip, I had a pleasure of a vaginal exam and three tiny tattoos. (my first ever) Today, I had the pleasure of x-rays.
I will be undergoing these treatments for the next 25 days (excluding weekends, Christmas day and New Year’s day). I will finish sometime at the end of January. I have to tell you, for some reason I am really nervous. I got home and slipped an Adavan for anxiety. Everyone says radiation is easier than chemo, but you still get nervous because it is the unknown. I already feel like I have betrayed my body. Although I am doing this to prolong my good health, there is a part of me that questions if I am not instead doing more harm.
It is at times like these that I just have to surrender my concerns to the Universe. It is out of my control. My intentions are pure. I have to trust that someone more powerful than myself is looking out for me.